#My marriage…with Raphael Olukomogbon

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We are from the same town. The town is called Ife-Ijumu in Kogi State, Yoruba speaking part of Kogi State.  Also, we were in the student union politics together and at one point in time, I was the president of the student union and she was the treasurer. We have been family friends for a long time. We were also in Ilorin together as we both schooled at the University of Ilorin. But then we were not dating, we just knew that we were from the same hometown and we were family friends, she visited me and I also visited her too.

Eventually, one thing led to another, we grew closer than we used to be. Then we had issues with our relationships. After a while, she told me that he was just trying to cajole her. In 2006, we became close and in 2008, we decided to tie the knot. We were good friends before we got married.

Do you think being friends with your wife before marriage helps your union?

Yes, tremendously. Most of the talk shows I attend and interviews I grant, people would want to pry into one’s marriage and want to know why one’s marriage is standing, considering what is happening to celebrity marriages and all that. I tell people that it is good to be friends first, it is important that there is friendship in marriage. Marriage is one thing that I don’t believe one enters and starts to know about each other, I believe that one needs to be friends and know each other well. Now, we live like brother and sister, we live like friends. We look at marriage as secondary and most times, people say that we look alike but the bottom line is that there is no marriage that wouldn’t have issues.

What did you enjoy most about your wedding day?

For me, it was the moment that it dawned on me that we would be living together. We got married in Ilorin and I had already moved to Lagos but the marriage took place in Ilorin.

She married me in my early days as an up-and-coming actor. There I already saw the intricacies in the industry that made me feel that if I didn’t marry then, there is a likelihood that I might not settle down eventually. This would then lead to having kids out of wedlock because I had already entered the industry and saw a lot.  Also, another thing that I enjoyed about my wedding day was the fact that some big names and faces such as Funsho Adeolu, Saheed Balogun and others went with me to my engagement to prostrate and all of that.

What made you choose your wife among others?

At the time, my wife used to be a reserved person and up till date she is. If my wife doesn’t see the need to go out for three months, she will be inside our house. She won’t even step out of the gate. She is a complete introvert. Even when we were both in the student union in my hometown, she was usually forced out to join us, otherwise, she wasn’t the type to do things like that. She is not the social type. If we go out, she would tell me that she would return home because before we pass three houses away from ours, people are already greeting me and she doesn’t like it. That really endeared me to her.

What do you think is needed to ensure a lasting marriage?

Apart from friendship, it is important to understand that marriage is not a game that if one wins, one stays and if one loses, one goes out. From my school of thought, one needs to learn how to forgive, let go and persevere. It is not everything one reacts to. If one can’t forgive, one is not fit for marriage. The bedrock of marriage is forgiveness. The need of marriage is to help one another and if one cannot do all these, one is not fit. We argue and we settle because deep inside us, we know that there is no option. This generation does not understand “I am sorry.” They believe that if marriage is not sweet, get out. They don’t understand what it takes to stick together. Marriage is more than what we think it is.

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