Carla Romagnano is in her 60s and lives in Idaho with her 84-year-old mother, whom she has been caring for since her mother moved in with her in October 2023.
For Carla, caregiving has become almost like having a second full-time job. She also works full time as a bookkeeper for a grocery business, where she has spent about 45 years.
Her mother’s health needs became much greater after she was diagnosed with dementia and suffered a serious fall in 2022 that left her with a broken femur. She needed round-the-clock care, and Carla initially arranged for an in-home caregiver.
Carla and her father had planned to share the responsibility of looking after her mother. They decided to move Carla’s parents closer to her because medical care was nearby and it would help reduce caregiving costs.
But shortly after they put their house on the market, Carla’s father unexpectedly died from sepsis.
His death changed everything.
“I miss my dad fiercely,” Carla said, explaining that they had planned to handle her mother’s care together. She had also promised her father that she would not put her mother in a nursing home unless it became absolutely necessary.
Since then, Carla has had to manage most of the responsibility herself.
After finishing work each day, she often sits in her driveway for a few minutes just to decompress before going inside. Once she enters the house, her second job begins: caring for her mother, looking after her two dogs and managing everything else that needs to be done.
“It’s two full-time jobs,” she said. “I would not wish this on anybody. Caregiving is the hardest job I’ve ever had.”
She sleeps on the couch to keep her mother safe
Because her mother has dementia and is at risk of falling, Carla sleeps on the couch outside her mother’s bedroom. She wants to be close enough to help immediately if her mother gets out of bed during the night.
Her mother uses a walker and does not have enough strength to walk independently. There is also a commode in her bedroom so she can use the bathroom without having to walk far.
Carla says her mother prefers routine and can become overwhelmed when unfamiliar caregivers are introduced. Because of that, she tries to maintain consistency whenever possible.
For almost three years, Carla has sacrificed her own comfort and sleep to make sure her mother is safe at night.
She continues working full time
Despite the demands of caregiving, Carla has no plans to retire anytime soon.
Her job is her only source of income, and she has been able to transfer her position to Idaho. She works while a caregiver looks after her mother.
Between work, medical appointments, prescriptions and other responsibilities, Carla spends a significant amount of time on the road. In one year alone, she drove about 800 miles taking care of her mother’s medical needs.
Retirement is not realistic for her right now.
She hopes to reach 50 years with the company she has worked for most of her adult life, but she knows that her future depends partly on her mother’s health.
“With her illness, it’s really day by day,” she said.
She makes sure her mother still enjoys life
Although caregiving can be exhausting, Carla tries to make sure her mother still has opportunities to enjoy herself.
She takes her out of the house whenever possible, even if it is simply a trip to the grocery store or a thrift shop. Her mother enjoys being around people and likes feeling active and involved.
One of their regular outings is a weekly restaurant trip. Her mother loves Chinese food, so they go out to eat and often finish the day with ice cream. Sometimes relatives or friends join them.
Carla also looks for activities her mother can still participate in, such as preparing Easter baskets or wrapping gifts. She wants her mother to feel useful and included.
There are, however, many things her mother can no longer safely do. She cannot cook because using the stove could be dangerous, and Carla does not allow her to do laundry because of the risk of overloading the machine or causing a flood.
Even though her mother can no longer do everything she once could, Carla tries to focus on what she can still do.
Finding support
Twice a month, Carla attends a caregiving support group. It gives her a place to talk about the challenges of caring for an aging parent, share frustrations and learn how other caregivers cope.
For Carla, one of the biggest lessons has been the importance of looking after herself as well.
She believes caregivers need to take care of their own well-being if they are going to continue caring for someone else.
Despite the exhaustion, grief and uncertainty, Carla continues to care for her mother while maintaining her job and trying to give her mother a meaningful life.
For now, she is taking things one day at a time.
